Sooo I danced today. I thought it would be hard for me,but I actually did good I Defo am on a mission and am going for it! And am going hard! Strong and confident. I will get my shop! I will became successful and you know what? I don’t regret it for I have a goal to score!
Guess who still don’t have a job? 🙋♀️ guess who is fed up? 🙋♀️ guess who is going back? 🙋♀️ it is what it is!
What if? But could it be? All in my head right? Do I take the risk? Do I take the chance? It’s all 50/50 it could go really good or it can go really bad! Fuck! I feel like… hmm…..how do I feel? ???How do I feel? I really don’t know how I feel.
Edit: so I was thinking dym am really going back to the strip club? It has really gotten to this? Like for real… then boom I get a call from the premier Inn ppl and the lady said
Hi kataya it’s liz from premier Inn first of all I would like to apologies if it was left for me you would have started last week. But I just need you to do it the long way. So I have to go on the site and do this little test then I can come up on the system then they can send me the offer pack.
After I spoke to her I said God I hate you! Why you doing this to me. And I broke into tears cuz I felt relieved that I got my sign I was asking for so guess who’s not going back to the strip club?
That was soo close, but God is involved
On Sunday when it hit me I was going back to the strip club
I got on my knee and I cried out to him my heart is heavy I couldn’t Handle it no more I begged him “God please. Don’t let me go back. Please God I don’t want to go back there. I don’t know what to do. God please help me for I am in pain,sorrow has fallen upon me. I am broken. I have no one but you, please help me oh lord. I cried and cried.Then I stopped and said lord if i am ment to go back, just be on my side I wiped my tears away took a deep breath and went on with life.
Yerp it has gotten to that! I am going back to stripping! I can’t take it no more I can’t just sit around hoping something magical is going to happen I have to make it happen! I called up my old boss and his willing to give me my job back
This time am going in there and not making no friends! Gana keep my self to my self make my money and leave. Got do what I got to do! And I don’t care if I get judge if my pillow could talk they would not judge!
I prayed today i asked god if he would be mad if I went back to the strip club. Shortly after my friend calls me and tells me what a good heart I have and what an amazing person I am and how she loves me and said “you know when you said if going back to the strip club makes you a bad person” at that point my heart skipped. She when on “well God helps those who help them selves and with your heart he will also bless you! She was still drunk from the night before but she felt to tell me this. Now it like ok I asked a question and I got answer? Right?
Right? I beg God please one more sign please!
“Hang on a min” what the actual fuck is going on in my life! I just don’t understand. soooo, this cleaning job I thought I have is starting not to look good. It just don’t make sense!!!!!!!!!! So I went in for training for nothing? How does that make sense? They said they would send me the job offer via Email which I then have to accept it! Ah mean I have never heard of that but hey each business to their own,I called them to ask if this Email has been sent?like it doesn’t take 3working days to get an email. Am I over thinking again? But wouldn’t you?,on training I did my best I cleaned soooo good to which they were very pleased! I just don’t understand if I don’t hear from them or get the “offer Email pack what ever” I will be soo heartbroken I kid you not! I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND where the fuck am going wrong? Am I cursed? Am stressssed out! Think I might just have to hit the stripclub Fuck it!!!!!! I Wish the ground could just eat me up! I just want a job for fuck sake! But I guess stripping is a job just different? I really don’t want to go back! I don’t know am soo confused!
Oh my God I got the job! Like whatttttttttt!!! I got the job! And it’s perfect hours I can’t believe it. It’s cleaning.. job but am soo happy and sooo grateful that I got it! Like my ideas of having my own business can come to life. I also pay off my debts. This is just the beginning of the new me. Yall ready?
You know what maybe I have been a little bit selfish and impatient I just want The now, instead of enjoying the process and because things don’t go the way I want it to go, I get angry and do stupid things and say stupid things. I don’t mean to but after I stopped stripping and decided to give my life to God it was like everything got harder but,come to think of it,although it got harder. Am not where I use to be,Yes things are hard but it can only get beta? Guys my life is like a roller coaster I kid you not,I don’t know if you believe in God but I do and on the days that am feeling shit I take all my angry out I be like “God you don’t give a shit about me cuz if you did you would have let me won the lottery, you would have let me get that job, that loan You would have let me have this. I be like fuck it am selling my soul to the devil which I will never!! Ever!! when it come to that am all mouth,God knows it. The amount of time I be screaming at God I bet he be up in heaven like here we go this ungrateful impatient child of mine about to disrespect me again! Lets make her wait a bit more till she learns to be grateful and patient. Imagine if that why my break thur not come yet? I don’t know just in my mind again,,I guess I need to start being patient and grateful?